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Nalini Priyadarshni
Song of Mourning

I killed you today and buried you
under my bones
Now I walk the earth alone
There were no goodbye kisses
No promises
No entreaties
Maybe because you were dead
Long before I decided to do away with you

I should have known
From the way your name weighed
Heavy on my tongue
Dead weight of at least two stones
Caked with dry mud like
Rusted piece of iron lying discarded
Forgotten in some dank corner of garden
Choking me every time I rolled it
Over in my mouth
Filling me with stench

But those treacherous voices in my head
Chattered so loud
I could not listen your silence
You were probably dead long before
I planted those songs outside your window
Meant to harvest them on nights
You could not go to sleep
I have buried them now along with you
Somewhere deep within

I never thought I could survive
Sans shadow and light of your being
Moving within, fuel to my soul
A life force so strong that it conquered
A thousand tongues, a million fingers
Prodding, goading, pointing
Sly suggestions, shoulders shrugged
But here I am, dragging myself to
Where you said exists a world
Beyond expectations and commitments
Where love is a dirty world
Seldom thought, never spoken

Remain dead, beneath debris
Of bone china pillars I carved
With my fingernails till they bled
Shrapnel’s of tears, chipped dreams
Torn memories, dusty unlived tomorrows
Lost melodies, bloodied poems, ravaged songs
I put them all to rest with you and more
So stay buried forever
I hate goodbyes.



Nalini Priyadarshni is the author of Doppelganger in My House and co author of Lines Across Oceans. Her poems have appeared in numerous literary journals, podcasts and international anthologies including Mad Swirl, Camel Saloon, Dukool, In-flight Magazine, Poetry Breakfast, The Riveter Review, The Open Road Review, Your One Phone Call, In Between Hangovers and Yellow Chair Review. Her poems and views on poetry and life have been featured on AIR and FM radio. Her forthcoming publications include Sacred Women in the Anti-violence movement: Anthology and Peacock Journal.
 

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